He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
