You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
