Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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