Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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