if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
