Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
