Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
