he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
