Someone shit on the floor
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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