Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
