i jhust puked up my retainher.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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