you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
