The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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