All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
