My balls are so social today.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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