Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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