He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
