took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
