They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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