Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.