I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.