No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here