Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.