I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
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Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
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I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.