You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.