after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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