I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
