you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
