It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
