Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
worst night to have a conscience
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
