how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
