Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
