you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
