I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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