Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
