Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I intend to get homeless drunk
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
