honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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