he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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