Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
soo... how was my night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
