Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
