she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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