having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
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Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
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Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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