Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
