Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
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Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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