Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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