Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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