so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
