I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
