It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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