i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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