I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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