Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
