Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
