And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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