You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize