Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
where are my eyebrows?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
