so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
