is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I didn't notice because vodka
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Two words: nipple clamps
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