Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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