So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
