It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
