god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
