At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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