she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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