im drinking this country out of the recession.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's rum buckets o'clock
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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