Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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