I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
