i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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