I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
