honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
