Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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