I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
