also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
