my phone needs a breathalizer
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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