the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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