i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
