So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
