So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
