I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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