He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
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Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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