no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
