You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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