ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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