Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
