this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
